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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a date refuses to leave your home or pressures you to let them inside

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Do not let them inside. Close and lock the door, end the conversation, and call 999 if they will not leave, try to get in, threaten you, or you feel in immediate danger.

Do not do these things

  • Do not open the door just to be polite or to calm them down.
  • Do not argue, justify, or negotiate if it keeps you in the conversation.
  • Do not let them use the toilet, charge their phone, wait inside, or step in for a minute.
  • Do not move deeper into your home to keep talking.
  • Do not accept a lift, walk away with them to talk, or go somewhere more private.
  • Do not drink more alcohol or take anything that could make it harder to act.
  • Do not worry about being rude if your safety feels uncertain.

What to do now

  1. Put a locked door between you. Close and lock the door. If it is already open, step back, close it, and use the chain, bolt, or door viewer if you have one.
  2. Use one clear line. Say through the door: “I am not letting anyone in. Please leave now.” If they argue, repeat: “No. Leave.”
  3. Stop the conversation loop. Say “I am ending this now,” then stop responding. You do not have to keep explaining.
  4. Bring in a witness fast. Call someone you trust on speaker and say: “I am at my door and need you to stay on the line.” Send them your address if they do not already have it, and ask them to call 999 for you if you cannot.
  5. Use building help without opening the door. If you have a concierge, security, reception desk, or trusted neighbour, call or message them and ask them to come to the corridor while you stay inside.
  6. Call 999 if there is immediate danger. Call 999 if they will not leave, try to force entry, block the door, threaten you, become violent, or you feel at risk right now.
  7. Use 101 only when it is not an emergency. If they have gone but you want police help about harassment, threats, or lingering around your home, call 101 or use your local police online reporting route when you are safe.
  8. Once they are gone, secure the space. Check the door and windows, keep your phone charged, and move to a room where you feel safer. You can note the time and what happened later if it helps you feel steadier, but you do not need to collect evidence or decide anything now.
  9. Get specialist support if this felt sexually coercive or threatening. You can contact:
    • England and Wales, age 16+: Rape Crisis England & Wales 24/7 Support Line on 0808 500 2222 or online chat.
    • Scotland: Rape Crisis Scotland helpline on 08088 01 03 02, every day from 5pm to midnight.
    • Northern Ireland: Domestic & Sexual Abuse Helpline on 0808 802 1414.
  10. If unwanted sexual contact happened, or you want medical or support options, consider a SARC. A Sexual Assault Referral Centre can offer medical, practical, and emotional support, and you do not have to decide about reporting to police before asking what help is available. If you need urgent medical advice and it is not life-threatening, use NHS 111.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide now whether to report to police.
  • You do not need to confront them, explain your reasons, or teach them about boundaries.
  • You do not need to send messages, block them, or post anything publicly until you feel safer and calmer.
  • You do not need to label what happened. Your discomfort is enough reason to act.

Important reassurance

Freezing, being polite, feeling confused, or worrying that you are overreacting can happen when someone pressures you. Wanting them to leave is enough. You are allowed to protect your doorway and your home.

Scope note

These are first steps to end the immediate pressure safely and reduce risk. Later decisions about reporting, ongoing safety, or support can be made after you have had rest and backup, and may need specialist help.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, therapeutic, or professional advice. If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you are safe but shaken, a specialist support line can help you steady yourself and think through options.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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