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What to do if…
a friend tells you they were sexually assaulted and you do not know what to do first

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Stay with them in person or on the phone, believe them, and ask what would help them feel safer in the next few minutes. If they are in immediate danger or need urgent medical help, call 999.

Do not do these things

  • Do not ask “why” questions about why they did or did not leave, fight, scream, report, drink, text, or tell someone sooner.
  • Do not press them to report to police, have an exam, confront anyone, or decide anything tonight.
  • Do not investigate, interrogate, or ask for a step-by-step account.
  • Do not contact the person who hurt them, mutual friends, their workplace, their university, or family members without their permission, unless there is immediate danger or a child is at risk.
  • Do not promise total secrecy if you are worried there is immediate danger to them, a child, or another person.
  • Do not post, forward screenshots, record them, or share their story without explicit permission.
  • Do not tell them what you would have done or what they should have done.

What to do now

  1. Say one calm sentence that does not ask for details.
    Try: “I’m really sorry this happened. I believe you. You’re not to blame.”

  2. Check immediate safety.
    Ask: “Are you safe right now?” and “Is the person who hurt you nearby or likely to come here?”

    • If they are in immediate danger, help them move to a safer place if they can, such as another room, a trusted person’s home, a staffed public place, or a locked place away from the person who hurt them.
    • Call 999 if there is immediate danger, serious injury, or urgent medical need.

  3. Give two or three small choices.
    Do not make them plan everything. Offer choices such as:

    • “Do you want me to stay on the phone or come over?”
    • “Do you want me to sit with you while you contact a specialist support line?”
    • “Do you want help getting medical care, getting home, or finding somewhere safe to sleep tonight?”

  4. Offer specialist support without pressure to report.
    If they are 16 or over in England or Wales, they can contact the 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line on 0808 500 2222 or use its online chat. It is free, it is for survivors and people supporting them, and it is not an emergency service.
    If they are elsewhere in the UK, keep the same first step: immediate safety first, 999 for emergencies, and the local urgent medical route if medical help is needed.

  5. Offer medical help as an option, especially if it may have happened recently.
    You can say: “You do not have to decide about police. A Sexual Assault Referral Centre can usually offer medical care, practical support, and emotional support.”
    If they have injuries, pain, bleeding, possible pregnancy risk, possible sexually transmitted infection risk, or they feel unsure what care they need, help them contact a SARC, NHS 111, a GP, or urgent care. Use 999 for immediate danger or urgent medical help.

  6. Keep control with them.
    Ask permission before each next step: “Is it okay if I ask one safety question?” “Do you want advice or just someone with you?” “Would you like me to look up the number, or would you rather I stay quiet?”
    If they say “don’t tell anyone,” you can say: “I won’t share this without your permission unless I’m really worried that you, a child, or someone else is in immediate danger.”

  7. Protect future choices only if it feels safe and not overwhelming.
    You can say once: “If you might want forensic options later, you may choose not to wash, change clothes, clean up, or delete messages until you have spoken to a SARC, but you can still get help if you already have.”
    Do not repeat this if it upsets them or they need to wash, change, sleep, or feel safe.

  8. Do one practical stabilising thing.
    Offer water, a blanket, a quiet room, a phone charger, a taxi, help turning off notifications, or help sending one short message to a trusted person: “I’m not okay tonight. Can you be with me?”

What can wait

  • They do not need to decide now whether to report to the police.
  • They do not need to tell you details for you to help them.
  • They do not need to name what happened accurately tonight.
  • You do not need to work out the law, evidence, motives, or a full timeline.
  • Written accounts, screenshots, university or workplace steps, complaints, and longer-term plans can wait until they are safer and supported.

Important reassurance

Freezing, feeling clumsy, or not knowing what to say is common. Calmly believing them, not taking over, and helping them reach safety or specialist support is already meaningful help.

Scope note

These are first steps only. Later decisions about medical care, reporting, housing, work, university, counselling, or legal options may need specialist help and can usually be taken at their pace.

Important note

This guide is general information for immediate first steps, not legal, medical, therapeutic, financial, safeguarding, or professional advice. If someone is in immediate danger or needs urgent medical help, call 999.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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