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uk Death, bereavement & serious family crises

What to do if…
you are asked to write an obituary or public notice and you are not ready

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Pause before publishing anything. First confirm whether this is an obituary or tribute, a short funeral or death notice, or a deceased estates notice, because only some notices are time-sensitive and you may not be the right person to write them.

Do not do these things

  • Do not agree to a deadline you cannot manage just to stop the pressure.
  • Do not publish unnecessary personal details, such as a full home address, full date of birth, financial details, or anything that could help someone impersonate the person who died.
  • Do not include cause of death, circumstances, family conflict, or private information unless the people with authority to approve it have clearly agreed.
  • Do not assume “public notice” means you personally must write or place it.
  • Do not pay or give personal details to anyone who contacts you unexpectedly about publishing, proofing, printing, or fees until you have checked them through a contact route you found yourself.
  • Do not try to settle family disagreements in the wording today.

What to do now

  1. Ask what kind of notice this is. Send one written question: “Do you mean an obituary or tribute, a short funeral or death notice, or a deceased estates notice?” This separates an emotional writing task from a legal or estate-administration task.

  2. Buy time with a clear boundary. Use a short reply such as: “I cannot write a full obituary today. I can help confirm basic facts, or someone else can draft it for approval.” If there is a newspaper or funeral director deadline, ask what the latest safe time is for the shortest possible notice.

  3. If it is a funeral or newspaper notice, use the smallest agreed wording. Ask the funeral director or newspaper what fields are required. Keep it to basic agreed details, such as the name the person used, a short announcement of the death, and either “private funeral”, “funeral details to follow”, or “enquiries to the funeral director” if that is accurate.

  4. If it is a deceased estates notice, do not guess the wording. These notices are usually handled by the executor, personal representative, solicitor, or the person dealing with probate. Forward the request to that person and say: “I am not sure I have authority to place this, so please handle or confirm the exact wording.”

  5. Check whether The Gazette is involved. Deceased estates notices are placed through The Gazette, and the process can involve a grant of probate, letter of administration, or death certificate. If you are not handling the estate, this is a reason to step back, not a reason to rush.

  6. Delegate the first draft. Ask a funeral director, trusted friend, or another family member to make a facts-only draft. Your job can be limited to checking names, dates, and anything you want removed.

  7. Make a five-minute facts note. Write only what you are confident about: full name, preferred name, age if the family wants it included, funeral director contact, and any wording already agreed. Mark anything uncertain as “check first”.

  8. Verify any payment request independently. If someone asks for money or urgent approval, do not use the phone number or link in the message. Find the newspaper, funeral director, solicitor, or The Gazette contact details yourself and check before paying.

What can wait

  • You do not have to write the perfect tribute today.
  • You do not have to include achievements, personality, cause of death, family history, or a life story now, or at all.
  • You do not have to decide who is “right” in a family wording dispute before sending a minimal notice.
  • You do not have to handle an estate-related notice yourself if the executor, personal representative, or solicitor can do it.
  • You do not have to answer everyone’s edits immediately. Put suggestions in one place and review them later.

Important reassurance

Not being ready to write publicly about someone’s death is a normal response to grief and shock. A short, careful notice is enough for now if a notice is genuinely needed; a fuller obituary or tribute can usually come later.

Scope note

These are first steps to reduce pressure, avoid unnecessary disclosure, and prevent rushed public wording. Later decisions about probate, estate notices, newspaper publication, family disagreement, or suspected fraud may need help from the executor, personal representative, solicitor, funeral director, newspaper, or a fraud-reporting service.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, financial, bereavement, therapeutic, or professional advice. Processes can vary depending on whether the request is for a tribute, a funeral notice, a newspaper notice, or an estate-related notice, so confirm the type of notice before publishing or paying for anything.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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