What to do if…
you need to tell a child that a relative is dying soon

What to do now

1. Choose the adult and the place.
   If possible, the child should be told by a parent, carer, or another adult they trust, in a quiet place, with no one rushing away straight after. If you are too upset to speak clearly, ask one other calm adult to sit with you.

2. Start by asking what they already know.
   You can say: “I need to tell you something important about [Name]. What have you noticed or heard?” This helps you correct rumours and match the words they already understand.

3. Say the core truth simply, then pause.
   Use one short sentence first. For example: “[Name] is very ill, and the doctors think they are likely to die soon.” Or: “[Name]’s body is stopping working, and they will not get better.” Then stop and let the child react before adding more.

4. Use clear words for death if they ask what it means.
   You can say: “When someone dies, their body stops working. They are no longer alive, and they cannot feel pain, hunger, cold, or tiredness in the way living people do.”

5. Answer the urgent fears directly.
   Say the things many children need to hear:

   • “Nothing you did, said, or thought caused this.”
   • “You cannot catch this illness like a cold.”
   • “Grown-ups will keep looking after you.”
   • “Here is what will happen today and tonight.”

6. Offer an optional way to say goodbye.
   Give choices, not pressure. The child may want to visit, make a phone or video call, send a voice note, draw a picture, write a card, or send a small item. If a visit is possible, describe what they may see, such as the person looking very tired, sleeping a lot, speaking differently, or having tubes or monitors. Agree who will go, roughly how long you will stay, and a signal the child can use if they want to leave.

7. Make the next 24 hours predictable.
   Tell the child who is staying with them, who is picking them up, where they will sleep, what will happen about school or nursery, and who they can go to with questions.

8. Tell the school or nursery today if you can.
   Send a brief message and ask for one named contact, such as the class teacher, head of year, or pastoral lead. This helps the child have predictable support without the story being repeated to several people.

9. Ask for specialist support if you are stuck for words.
   Contact the hospice, hospital team, GP surgery, Child Bereavement UK, Marie Curie, or another UK bereavement support service. You can ask for help choosing age-appropriate wording quickly.