PanicStation.org
UK USA
us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a partner keeps waking you up for sex and you feel unsafe

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy USA guide

Short answer

Move to the safest available pause for tonight if you can do so without increasing danger, and keep a phone with you if safely possible. If you feel in immediate danger, call 911.

Do not do these things

  • Do not feel you have to argue, explain, or prove anything in the moment.
  • Do not start a major relationship discussion while you feel unsafe.
  • Do not resist over a phone, keys, or other items if doing so could put you in more danger.
  • Do not make noticeable changes to a phone, account, or browsing pattern if that could increase risk.
  • Do not take extra alcohol or non-prescribed sedating substances to get through the night. Do not change prescribed medication without medical advice.
  • Do not feel you must decide tonight whether to report or make a relationship decision. If you are considering medical care or an exam, ask a provider or RAINN about timing.

What to do now

  1. Reach the safest available pause. If it feels safer, move away from the bedroom or go to a trusted safe place. If moving could increase danger, stay where you can most safely call or message for help.
  2. Call 911 if you feel in immediate danger. This includes feeling that your partner may force sexual contact, hurt you, or stop you from leaving.
  3. Keep essentials close if safely possible. Keep your phone, keys, essential medication, and identification together. Do not go back for items if doing so could put you at risk.
  4. Contact one trusted person or a specialist service. Tell them you need help deciding where you can safely rest tonight. Ask a trusted person to stay on the phone, come to you if that is safe, or contact 911 if you ask them to.
  5. Use a safer device if you think your phone or accounts may be monitored. A trusted person’s phone may be safer. Phone and internet use can sometimes be monitored, and activity cannot always be completely erased.
  6. Contact RAINN for sexual violence support. RAINN can connect you with trained support and local resources. You can ask about privacy limits before sharing your name, location, or other identifying details.
  7. Ask for medical care if you need it. Seek urgent medical care for injuries, bleeding, severe pain, or if you feel unwell. Call 911 for a medical emergency. You can ask a hospital, a local provider, or RAINN about a sexual assault forensic exam and ask what options and privacy limits apply where you are.
  8. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for safety planning. A live advocate can help you think through a safer place to rest, what you need tonight, and what may reduce risk while you share a home.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide tonight what label fits the situation.
  • You do not need to confront your partner, negotiate boundaries, report, or make a relationship decision tonight.
  • You do not need to make a perfect plan. The priority is the safest available pause, support, and rest.
  • Medical care or a sexual assault forensic exam may be time-sensitive. A provider or RAINN can explain options without pressuring you to report.

Important reassurance

Unwanted sexual pressure is not your fault. Some people freeze, comply, or go quiet when they are trying to stay safe.

Scope note

These are first steps only. Later decisions may need support from a local sexual assault service, domestic violence advocate, healthcare professional, or another specialist you choose.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, financial, therapeutic, or other professional advice. If you feel in immediate danger, call 911.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

Support us