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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a partner keeps waking you up for sex and you feel unsafe

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Create distance from your partner tonight if you can do so safely, keep your phone and essentials with you, and call 999 if you feel in immediate danger. You do not have to decide tonight what to call it or whether to report it.

Do not do these things

  • Do not blame yourself if you froze, went quiet, complied, or tried to keep the situation from escalating.
  • Do not confront them, announce a breakup, or try to negotiate in the moment if they are already ignoring your “no” or you feel unsafe.
  • Do not rely on “just let me sleep” as your only plan if they have repeatedly ignored it.
  • Do not take sleep medication, drink more alcohol, or do anything that makes you harder to wake if you are worried about what happens while you are asleep.
  • Do not leave your phone, keys, bank card, medication, or ID somewhere they can control.
  • Do not open support pages, messages, or searches on a device they may check if that could make things less safe.

What to do now

  1. Put safer distance between you and them for tonight. If it will not escalate the situation, move to a separate room, a trusted neighbour, a friend or family member, a hotel, or another safe place. Take your phone, charger, keys, bank card or cash, medication, and ID.
  2. If you are scared they may force sexual contact, hurt you, or stop you leaving, call 999. If you cannot speak safely from a mobile, call 999, listen to the operator, cough or tap if you can, and press 55 if prompted so the call can be put through to police.
  3. Ask one trusted person to be reachable tonight. Send a brief message such as “I need you to be available tonight” or agree a code word that means “call me” or “call 999”. Keep your phone on you and charged.
  4. Make the next sleep period safer. Sleep somewhere they cannot easily access if possible, keep clothes and shoes close by, and keep your exit route, keys, and phone within reach.
  5. Use a safer device if your phone or accounts may be monitored. A friend’s phone, work phone, library computer, or a private browsing session on a safer device may reduce the chance of them seeing support searches or messages.
  6. Get specialist support without committing to a police report. A sexual violence support service can talk through options at your pace. In England, you can contact a Sexual Assault Referral Centre; in Scotland, NHS Inform lists the SARCS self-referral phone service; in Wales or Northern Ireland, use the relevant local sexual assault or domestic and sexual abuse service.
  7. Get medical help if you need it. If you have injury, severe pain, bleeding, breathing difficulty, possible drugging, or feel acutely unwell, use 999 or A&E. If it is not an emergency, use NHS 111 or local urgent care if available and safe.
  8. Only if it is safe and you might want medical or reporting options later, avoid washing clothes or bedding for now. Put items aside in a paper bag or clean bag if you can do that without putting yourself at risk.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide tonight whether to report to police, make a statement, or use legal words.
  • You do not need to decide whether to end the relationship tonight.
  • You do not need to explain yourself perfectly or persuade them that your “no” was valid.
  • You do not need to gather proof before getting support.
  • You do not need to solve housing, money, work, family, or long-term plans before you get through tonight safely.

Important reassurance

Being woken for sexual contact you do not want, especially when you are asleep, disoriented, exhausted, or repeatedly pressured, is not normal relationship conflict. Freezing, complying, or going quiet can be a survival response; it does not mean you agreed or failed.

Scope note

These are first steps only, focused on getting through the immediate risk and reaching safer support. Later decisions about housing, reporting, healthcare, legal protection, or the relationship may need help from a specialist sexual violence or domestic abuse service.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, financial, therapeutic, or other professional advice. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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