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What to do if…
you have a family court or custody hearing soon after a death

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy USA guide

Short answer

Contact the courthouse today and ask the clerk’s office or self-help center, if there is one, for the fastest correct way to request a continuance, rescheduling, or remote appearance because of a death in the family.

Do not do these things

  • Don’t assume the hearing will be moved automatically because there has been a death.
  • Don’t skip the hearing unless you have clear confirmation from the court that you do not need to appear.
  • Don’t rely only on a phone call; keep a written record of what you filed, sent, or were told to do.
  • Don’t send long or angry messages to the other parent; keep scheduling messages short, factual, and calm.
  • Don’t agree to major custody changes just to make the court date go away while you are in shock.
  • Don’t give private details unless the court form, the judge, or your lawyer asks for them.

What to do now

  1. Put the hearing details in one place.
    Write down the case number, courthouse, judge or department if listed, hearing date and time, hearing type, and whether the notice says in-person, video, or phone. Keep the hearing notice beside you.

  2. Check the court’s own instructions.
    On the court’s website or hearing notice, look for family law, self-help, help center, remote appearance, continuance, reschedule, or request to continue. Follow your court’s instructions over any general website.

  3. Call the clerk’s office or self-help center and ask for procedure.
    Say: “I have a custody or family law hearing on [date]. There has been a death in my family. What is the correct procedure in this court to ask for a continuance, rescheduling, or remote appearance, and how do I give notice to the other party?”
    Ask for the form name, filing method, deadline, service or notice steps, and how to check whether the judge has ruled. Do not ask court staff to predict whether the judge will grant it.

  4. Make the request the way your court requires.
    This may be called a motion for continuance, request to continue, request to reschedule, or something similar. Your court may use a different name. Keep the request brief and include:

    • the case number and hearing date
    • that there has been a death in your family
    • the immediate problem, such as funeral travel, caregiving disruption, or inability to prepare
    • what you are asking for: a short continuance, rescheduling, or permission to appear remotely
    • any document you already have, or a sentence saying documentation is not yet available and can be provided if needed

  5. Notify the other party or their attorney as required.
    Use the court’s required notice or service method. If you also send a simple message, keep it factual: “There has been a death in my family. I am asking the court to continue, reschedule, or allow remote appearance for the [date] hearing. I will update you when the court responds.” Keep proof that you sent it.

  6. Ask whether agreement is possible, if it is safe to do that.
    Some courts may move faster if both sides sign or confirm agreement, but the judge still decides. If contact with the other party is unsafe or restricted by an order, do not contact them directly; use the required legal route or ask the court what procedure applies.

  7. Make a fallback plan for the original hearing time.
    Until the court confirms a new date or remote access, assume the hearing is still happening. If you can attend only by phone or video, ask how to request remote access and how to get the login or call-in details. Prepare one short sentence to say at the start: “There has been a death in my family, I asked for a continuance or remote appearance, and I am asking for only the short temporary directions needed today.”

  8. If the death affects the child’s immediate care, say that plainly.
    If the person who died was a caregiver, household adult, driver, or person involved in the child’s routine, explain the immediate impact. Ask for only the short temporary directions needed to keep the child’s care stable until everyone can participate more fully.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide long-term custody outcomes today.
  • You do not need perfect paperwork before taking the first procedural step.
  • You can wait on detailed negotiations, longer declarations, and bigger proposals until the court gives a new date or instructions.
  • You can wait to gather documents that do not exist yet, such as a final death certificate, unless the court specifically requires them now.

Important reassurance

A court date close to a death can make even simple steps feel impossible. The immediate goal is not to solve the whole custody case; it is to tell the court promptly, follow the local procedure, notify the other side in the required way, and avoid rushed permanent decisions.

Scope note

These are first steps for the immediate days around a custody or family court date. Later decisions, court strategy, and final custody orders may need help from a licensed family law attorney in your state.

Important note

This is general information, not legal advice. Family court procedure, continuance rules, remote appearance rules, forms, deadlines, and notice requirements vary by state, county, courthouse, and judge. Follow your hearing notice and your court’s website, and confirm local procedure with the clerk’s office, court self-help center, or a qualified attorney.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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